Gift Jokes

Giving gifts can be a stressful experience.  Here is a selection of jokes about gift-giving to lighten your mood.
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Wife's Birthday Gift
A husband was in big trouble when he forgot his wife's birthday. But she was willing to let it pass if he made it
up to her in the right way.

His wife told him "Tomorrow there better be something in the driveway for me that goes zero to 200 in 2
seconds flat".

The next morning the wife found a small package in the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new
bathroom scale.

Funeral arrangements for the husband have been set for Saturday.
Be Specific!
A fellow was very much in love with a beautiful girl. One day she told him that the next day was her birthday. He
told her he would send her a bouquet of roses... one for each year of her life.

That evening he called the local florist and ordered twenty-one roses with instructions that they be delivered
first thing the next morning.

As the florist was preparing the order, he decided that since the young man was such a good customer, he
would put an extra dozen roses in the bouquet.

The fellow never did find out what made the young girl so angry with him.
The Perfect Gift
"Thanks for the electric guitar you gave me for Christmas," little Chris Cody said to his uncle the first time he
saw him after the holidays. "It's the best present I ever got."

"That's great," said his uncle. "Do you know how to play it?"

"Oh, I don't play it," the little fellow said. "My mom gives me a dollar a day not to play it during the day and
my dad gives me five dollars a week not to play it at night.
A Practical Gift
A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.

After hearing about this extravagant gift, a friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty
four-wheel-drive vehicles."

"She did," he replied. "But where was I going to find a fake Jeep?"
Ouch!
One year, a particular harried husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.

The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.

When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
Cheap Husband
After being away on business, Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift.

"How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk.

She showed him a bottle costing $50.00.

"That's a bit much," said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.00.

"That's still quite a bit," Tim complained.

Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15.00 bottle.

"What I mean," said Tim, "is I'd like to see something really cheap."

The clerk handed him a mirror.
Ouch!
Anniversary Gift
John asks his wife, Mary what she wants to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary.

"Would you like a new Mink Coat?" he asks.

"Not really," says Mary.

"Well how about a new Mercedes sports car?" says John.

"No," she responds.

"What about a new vacation home in the country?" he suggests.

She again rejects his offer with a "No thanks."

"Well what would you like for your anniversary?" John asks.

"John, I'd like a divorce," answers Mary.

"Sorry, I wasn't planning to spend that much," says John.
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